LIPSTICK ON A PIG and LOVING IT

“Lipstick on a Pig,” My Wife, Atom Smashers, and Black Holes

"JUST WORDS"

It is the heat of the battle for the Presidency and Congressional seats…less than 50 days to go and the beautiful Governor from Alaska used the term of “lipstick on a pit bull” as being “…the only difference between a Pit Bull and a Hockey Mom.” That endeared me to her automatically as it did millions of others I presume.

This week Presidential candidate Barack Obama used the words, “like lipstick on a pig,” to describe some differences in points of view with McCain and Palin. Outrage overflowed from the Republican defenders, and yes, it was an obvious poor tactic and choice for Mr. Obama, when the attempt at humor back-fired. But then Mr. Obama has no idea what “lipstick on a pig” really looks like.

ADORABLE WOMEN

I don't care much for either political party... Let me state that up front. But, being introduced to Sarah Palin, I esteem Mr. Palin a lucky guy and both a class-act; maybe because she seems so much like "us," and that I would never have considered McCain a strong candidate until she came along. Both Presidential candidates are too much "same old" stuff. Back to Mrs. Palin... Yes, she has good looks, a great brain, and nice legs, BUT my wife beats her in two of three categories and matches her closely in the other; well unless you consider her considerable capacity for consumption of edibles in a way that would be embarrassing if you didn’t know “the rest of the story.”

PETITE VS. PORKER

I thought I was all alone in my awe of the petite wife of over thirty years, with looks that still turn heads; I mean in awe with regards to her considerable appetite. But her brother Tim took a trip to Lamar Colorado to celebrate the 100th birthday of Grandma Best who, it was assumed wouldn’t be with us much longer. (Still alive and ‘kickin’ today.) I’ll get back to his reaction after I “set up” the story a bit. See…

It's not fair, but Jeanne weighs no more than her high of her teen years and still is regarded as “wonder woman” at 54 years old at the elementary school where she multi-tasks from PE teacher, to self-defense instructor, to teacher aide, and part time custodial helper (when needed.) Jeanne is no ordinary woman. She keeps “going and going and going.” ...

THE ATOM SMASHER

I get accused of winding the Energizer Bunny up every morning. No one in public sees her wind down. The energy just never stops. She has that petite Asian hurry for places; a rapid walk and pace that means, she takes two steps for every one of my strides; I call it a “…nervous atom smashing move where she is everywhere at once and then back at your side as if she never left” sort of thing. Kind of like that Hadron atom smasher-thing that just this week in Geneva, Switzerland conducted its first experiment. It is 17 miles long and under ground trying to see if it can duplicate the effects of the “Big Bang” seconds after it happened.* That’s what living with Jeanne is like. Many scientist opposed to the experiment claimed that the effects could cause “dark matter” or “black holes to appear inside the earth and gradually four years from now could cause the earth to collapse under its intense gravity. That’s also kind of like… Well let’s not go there.

Anyway, back to Jeanne’s capacity for five course meals, mid-meal snacks, and sneaking a bite off other people’s donuts when they aren’t looking.

Tim took his sister on that three day vacation to Colorado and had no idea what he was in for. Jeanne took enough money with her, but it ran out by the time they got into the return trip. From the beginning of the trip and frequent stops at the fast food dollar menus to the buffet tables at the birthday bash for Grandma Best, the after social eating, the next day leftovers, (including all of the left-over B-Day cake)and all consumed between rushing around setting up, taking down, cleaning up and accommodating everyone the way Jeanne is famous and known for, her calorie burn rate was maintained at about 10 for every one of yours or mine. That’s how she gets away with it.

Being the Energizer Bunny creates an insatiable hunger, and does not pack pounds. But the actual snorting up food can only lead an observer to conclude, that the person they are observing is, what I called my wife today at a Sizzlers,’ as I waited for her to finish her ice cream sundae. With extreme determination though she struggled with intense pain from constant brain freeze… Well, you would have had to been there to watch the struggle of spoon meeting mouth but stopped in mid-stream between bowl and lips as she considered on one hand, the pleasure of the hot fudge verses the sure pain of adding more cold ice cream to an already intense stabbing going on in one eyeball. Literally "frozen" in indecision, whether another bite was a wise move, she asked, “What are you starring at?" I answered:

“LIPSTICK ON A PIG!”

Back to her brother Tim. A two hour layover in Denver Airport had Jeanne begging her surprised brother for spare change when she realized that the Swedish Fish staring back at her would not get consumed unless mercy outweighed common sense. He too saw beauty, though a hungry kind. It is the beauty of service to others, a zest for life, and the ability to burn calories at somewhat the speed of light.

Well…Mr. Obama, if you understood the beauty of lipstick on pigs you’d enjoy a picture of Jeanne. (Photo below)



“I’m Jeanne Pratt, and I approve this message.” ...

www.jmpratt.com


*Large Hadron Collider, a 17-mile-long doughnut-shaped tunnel that will smash sub-atomic particles together at nearly the speed of light. But a handful of scientists believe that the experiment could create a shower of unstable black holes that could ‘eat’ the planet from within, and they are launching last-ditch efforts to halt it in the courts.